an unfortunate series of events

hmm...there isnt actually a big series...but unfortunate non the less. This weekend I was supposed to go up to Oklahoma Christian to see/stay with Carla. I was really excited about it because i got out of greenville, where i have nothing to do, and i would be able to be with a friend i havent seen in awhile and have fun with her friends at school. last time i went up there i had a really good time. and especially now i really could have used the "pick-me-up" and the fun. buuuuuutttt...that didnt happen and im at home this weekend :-( so, this weekend oklahoma was showing some ice and cold weather heading its way. well that wasnt going to stop me. i figured i could have gotten up there before any bad ice hit it and id be good...and if it was too dangerous to drive back sunday for school...eh, i wasnt really going to mind that too much. so i packed up my car and started driving this morning. then in celest i see the 30 mph sign a little too late. soo thinking the speed limit was still 40, i was going a bit fast and got pulled over. i was going 46 in a 30. yikes i know. thats an expensive ticket. well carla called while the cop took ten million years to write the stupid ticket, so after i was free to go i called her back. well, she said that there was indeed ice heading that way and it was already getting cold and to be careful if i decided to keep going up there. well, of course i was still going to go up there. my car was packed, i was on the road, and i just got a speeding ticket. not going to get that for nothing. well, i keep driving. then carla calls again and says that classes have been canceled and they were watching the news and there were already wrecks and to just be really careful driving and to keep her updated. THEN my dad calls warning me about the ice and says that he really wants me to turn around and come home because its going to be really ice and dangerous, well while he is on the phone with me jason calls because i texted him about the stupid cop. and he asks if i got a ticket (laughs at me) and then tells me that its slushy, so its not too bad now, but when i get into OK to drive really slow and be careful. and he asks if i have ever driven on ice before (well, duh, no. it hardly ices here) and he didnt sound very positive when i said that. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i decided to just turn around. and i really really really didnt want to either. im really upset i didnt get to go up there cause i really needed it. i needed to get happiness.

im soo....lost right now. emotionally mostly. maybe once i get back to school and get busy again and have friends there it will get better, but i know its still going to be there. its one of those feelings where you just wanna lay there in the dark. or just sleep. and sleep and sleep and sleep. because sleeping makes time go by and sleeping is for the most part emotion-less (unless ofcourse you dream). there is something i wish i could have back. wish with all my might i could have it back. and i pray and pray and i just want to be able to hear what god is answering back. or knew what god has instore. instead of being left to wonder, and wait, and continue in pain. hopeing with everything you have that somthing happens that very well might not. and even though its hurting me and breaking me, its the only thing i can do. because its the only thing i want right now. the thing id give anything for.

i dont know. but what i do know is that im looking at the weather now and its crazy icy and sleety in oklahoma...not going there was definately the safesty thing to do i suppose. :-\

pray for me

....i dont really know if anyone reads this...i only think three people have looked at it. but...never the less...im just asking for prayers. this is in regard to the previous post and just, me dealing with emotions. i need gods comfort and...peace...i'd really appreciate it. thanks.

FINALS AHHHHHH!!

ok.....sooooooo finals are offically boo. i thought that "ehh it wont be bad cause thats all you have that day" but for a procrastinator like me, all day becomes studying at midnight (and i mean starting) which is why this isnt going to be long...cause i have bible test tomorrow with a rediculous number of memory verses...and i spelled that wrong...ridiculous? sure.

so tonight me and aaron went to mcdonalds and then went and walked around the park and looked at christmas lights. it was fun. im sad because he's not coming back next semester :( he is going to stay home and do work and school there. sad day. i love that boy, he is one of my few guy friends here. which also makes me sad cause i had lots of guy friends back home. but anyways, im sad cause aaron is leaving, so we had our little thing tonight and just hung out...lots of fun

now its time to learn about god...lol

(p.s. does anyone know how to load pictures in so that the pics wont go to the top of the entry and add an extra "enter" space between paragraphs?? weirdness)

one week down, two more to go

so, its been a whole week since thankgiving break. and this week has gone by really fast. surprising. well, not really ive been really busy. this past week and next week are really busy weeks it seems like for me.

i wish i knew what god had instore for me sometimes. there i things that i want to happen soooo badly and they dont. or like in the case im in right now, they might happen, it will just take awhile if it does, and whether or not it does depends on other things i have no control over. i...i dont like having the feeling of wanting something so bad...with all you heart...more than pretty much anything else in the world, and not knowing whether you will be able to have it. but not being able to give up completely because you know that there is still a chance that you might be able to get it. and just praying so hard that god will help you out with this thing and praying so hard that god will bless you with this one thing you want sooo much...it hurts. and it makes living not the happiest thing. and you just wonder, and want to know what god has planned for you and whats going to happen in your life. and you want to know if youll be happy after this period of pain.
please pray for me...

thanksgiving yummyness

thanksgiving break was GREAT! i had a lot of fun! on friday tatiana, leah, and i headed off toward good old texas. first we had to stop in greenville (my home town) and give my mom amber's script so she could mail it back to amber. then we headed to rowlette to drop off tatiana...little did we know we wouldnt know where we were supposed to go to drop her off (where we mapped to wasnt were she was getting picked up). soooo, we ended up just stopping at a gas station and having them come to us. it was crazy. and leah drove from greenville the rest of the way that day, and leah is bad with direction, so it was interesting. then from rowlette/rockwall, we drove to godely which is where leah was being dropped off at. my friend kristen met me in godely and i left my car at leah's aunt's house and headed off with kristen to UT in austin!!! to see my best friend from home shelly!!!!!!! and it was great because shelly knew kristen was coming, but kristen amazingly was able to keep the fact that i was coming with her a surprise, so shelly was completely shocked when she saw me running up to her behind kristen. greatness. that night we just drove around and got a view of austin. that was pretty much it. then the next day we went and saw "the way of the world" which shellly was assistant stage manager for. and that was AMAZING! all the actors were so good! and they every second they were in character, and it was so good. after the play we ate and then headed out of austin, over to abiline to kristens college. now before we could go to abiline we had to go back through godely to get my car back...and man, let me tell you, that was an adventure. first of all i ended up talked on the phone with J.R. for at least an hour. which was pretty crazy and random. for one, j.r. went into the marines after high school and called me from the base in pensicola, fl. second j.r. is not the one to just have really long phone conversations, and even if he was, third of all, in high school we werent all that close as friends. i mean, sophmore year we were pretty good friends, and since then we would say hi and give eachother hugs and stuff when we saw eachother between classes...but thats about it...soooo it was pretty crazy and random. but it was a good phone conversation, so im glad it happened. then the next part of our adventure was getting lost trying to find stupid po-dunk godely!! we had to turn around so many times it was not funny anymore. we were tired and lost so we started getting crabby at eachother and talked as little as possible. but we finally made it to godely and got my car and headed on the road to abiline. abiline was a lot of fun!! i got to hang out with kristen, who is another best friend, and i got to meet her friends and (now) boyfriend and all of them were really cool and i liked them. and it was just lots of fun.

monday i headed home. yay home at last!!

i got to see a bunch of my friends over the break, i was very pleased!! i got to see my wonderful fake mexican mary alot alot, and i just love that girl!!! and i hung out with jason alot. had conversations that needed to be had...and everything went well. ate lots of GREAT food on turkey day!! saw a couple movies that week ("deck the halls" and the new james bond). and it was overall an amazing break!!

now im back at school and i cant believe we are only here for 2 1/2 more weeks before our HUGE christmas break. it just amazes me every time i think about it. we just got back, we have class for 2 weeks, then we have a week of finals, and then we are gone for a whole month!! its crazyness i tell you!!! pure crazyness!!

kristen and me throwin up the UT signs

i love these girls! this is shelly and kristen!

mary and i went to see ashlee (middle) after she got her tonsils out!