an unfortunate series of events

hmm...there isnt actually a big series...but unfortunate non the less. This weekend I was supposed to go up to Oklahoma Christian to see/stay with Carla. I was really excited about it because i got out of greenville, where i have nothing to do, and i would be able to be with a friend i havent seen in awhile and have fun with her friends at school. last time i went up there i had a really good time. and especially now i really could have used the "pick-me-up" and the fun. buuuuuutttt...that didnt happen and im at home this weekend :-( so, this weekend oklahoma was showing some ice and cold weather heading its way. well that wasnt going to stop me. i figured i could have gotten up there before any bad ice hit it and id be good...and if it was too dangerous to drive back sunday for school...eh, i wasnt really going to mind that too much. so i packed up my car and started driving this morning. then in celest i see the 30 mph sign a little too late. soo thinking the speed limit was still 40, i was going a bit fast and got pulled over. i was going 46 in a 30. yikes i know. thats an expensive ticket. well carla called while the cop took ten million years to write the stupid ticket, so after i was free to go i called her back. well, she said that there was indeed ice heading that way and it was already getting cold and to be careful if i decided to keep going up there. well, of course i was still going to go up there. my car was packed, i was on the road, and i just got a speeding ticket. not going to get that for nothing. well, i keep driving. then carla calls again and says that classes have been canceled and they were watching the news and there were already wrecks and to just be really careful driving and to keep her updated. THEN my dad calls warning me about the ice and says that he really wants me to turn around and come home because its going to be really ice and dangerous, well while he is on the phone with me jason calls because i texted him about the stupid cop. and he asks if i got a ticket (laughs at me) and then tells me that its slushy, so its not too bad now, but when i get into OK to drive really slow and be careful. and he asks if i have ever driven on ice before (well, duh, no. it hardly ices here) and he didnt sound very positive when i said that. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i decided to just turn around. and i really really really didnt want to either. im really upset i didnt get to go up there cause i really needed it. i needed to get happiness.

im soo....lost right now. emotionally mostly. maybe once i get back to school and get busy again and have friends there it will get better, but i know its still going to be there. its one of those feelings where you just wanna lay there in the dark. or just sleep. and sleep and sleep and sleep. because sleeping makes time go by and sleeping is for the most part emotion-less (unless ofcourse you dream). there is something i wish i could have back. wish with all my might i could have it back. and i pray and pray and i just want to be able to hear what god is answering back. or knew what god has instore. instead of being left to wonder, and wait, and continue in pain. hopeing with everything you have that somthing happens that very well might not. and even though its hurting me and breaking me, its the only thing i can do. because its the only thing i want right now. the thing id give anything for.

i dont know. but what i do know is that im looking at the weather now and its crazy icy and sleety in oklahoma...not going there was definately the safesty thing to do i suppose. :-\